


Hello Husband or How To Get The Guy In Three Steps

by upon_a_girl



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Valentine's Day Fic Exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 11:58:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13681221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/upon_a_girl/pseuds/upon_a_girl
Summary: It's not the worst to have a crush on your co worker, not when he always smiles at you in that special way and shares his secret cookies with you. It gets tricky though, when you're married to said crush, but he doesn't know about that. Details, details.... right?Happy Valentine's Day with this not really serious little ficlet, which is very, very (very) loosely inspired by the movie "the proposal".





	Hello Husband or How To Get The Guy In Three Steps

**Step One: (Remember) You're Already Married To Him (So Just Grab The Man)**

 

If one looked at the lovely weather outside, how the sun was shining, how the birds were chirping, how the sweet old couple on the bark bench on the other side of the road shared ice cream, one could think it was a rather nice beginning of the week.

If one looked rather closely though, behind the elderly people at the park, up into the fourth floor of the big media agency of Storybrooke, they would see the dark clouds hanging above the head of Regina Mills, junior chef editor, mother of an twelve year old son and currently in full evil queen mode.

„Out, Sidney“, Regina was currently barking, roughly grabbing the papers he had brought in to sign. He had messed up the design again today, which she had only described him to the nicety in the meeting this morning and she was livid. She shut the door in front of Sidney's hurt face and sank down in the big office chair, massaging her throbbing temples. She knew she was a fury this morning, barking at cowering Sydney, her innocent intern Belle and everyone else, who made the mistake to cross ways with her in the office today. She knew today she lived up to the nickname „Evil Queen“ she knew the floor was whisper-naming her behind her back.

She knew she was a bitch today, but, if being honest, it was all... _his_... fault! „Damn that stupid, stupid man“, Regina grumbled. Damn these perfect blue eyes and that perfect silver-fox hair, damn that perfect, lickable, amount of scruff, that perfect body. Damn that smile and that cute little son of his. „Damn you, Robin of Locksley. Damn you for being my weakness.“

She took the last sip of an already cold Latte Macchiato and tapped anxiously with her fingers on the wooden desk in front of her. Her eyes looked back at the opened E-mail on her computer. „Robin, hi“, she said sarcastically to herself, „how are you today? Still as georgous as yesterday, I see? And how is your little Roland? Oh, by the way, we're married.“

This was a disaster. An utter, complete disaster.

 

> _„Dear Mrs Mills,_  
>  _we have to inform you of an urgent problem concerning your position in our agency. There may be no concrete problem of your expired visa, which would contain your deportation back to Canada, since you are married to your co-worker, but we heard of a small inconvenience regarding the integrity of your wedding certificate...“_

 

Why, oh why did perfect Robin of Locksley exist so close proximity to her? Regina angrily clicked the mouse to close the e-mail. Couldn't she just fake the missing signature? It worked all these years so perfectly, that small little thing she had done on night two years ago, and nobody had ever put it into question. Nobody at all had addressed it, nobody had ever talked about it, everything had been perfectly fine, and now...

She got up from the chair, unable to concentrate on work and with anxious restlessness in her legs – she needed new coffee anyway, it made her think so much better. And faster. And what she needed was a quick solution, which wouldn't raise questions.

Her feet brought her to the office kitchen and she greedily waited for the coffee to refill her cup, so she could go back to her little office room and brood in silence to find a solution for her hangman-situation. The cup only got filled oh so slowly, and after suspicious glances around, Regina stretched herself, opened one of the cupboards and took a precious cookie. She had just took the first bite and felt the chocolate melt on her tongue, when-

"Hi Regina."

There he was, the problem first hand, Robin Locksley, filling out the door frame and sending her one of the most warm, bright smiles. 

 

It was almost like the first time she had met him, suddenly standing there in the doorway to the kitchen, sending a warm smile her way and introducing himself. It had been a winter day, she remembers it clearly, her first day in the agency. She had been nervy, trying to look competent and landing the right first impressions on her new co-workers. And then there he had been, the cute guy from floor two, making her coffee and making her laugh. He had shown her his secret bag of cookies, if she would ever need something sweet to smoothen problematic projects, co workers or bad days, and between coffee dates and warm words in the hallways he had wormed himself into her heart and made her send him hidden glances... 

 

 

**Step 2: Tell Him You're (Already) His Wife (Which Means He Should Totally Take You Out Sometime)**

 

Robin's smile vanished, when he crossed the kitchen with his long legs and saw her nibbling on one of his cookies. One warm hand landing on her shoulder made her freeze and the "what's wrong, love? Do you wanna talk about it?" made her choking on the cookie crumbs. 

That was when it all went to hell. She just shouldn't have ever left her bed this morning. Because between watering eyes and Robin patting on her back, her chef strolled into the room.

 

"I just came to see you, Mrs Mills, but it's so convenient to meet the both of you just now", her chef August Booth boomed and Regina wished for nothing more then choking to death from the cookie crumbs.

"I'm so glad", chef Booth continued, "that it won't take long to resolve the little error in your wedding certificate. If you would ask me, I wouldn't bother, anyone would see you are in love, but sadly the immigration agency is very particular about these papers."

Robin frowned and shot her a look. He looked confused and almost... hurt? "I don't understand. I thought.... But you're...?"

"Sooo, just pay them a visit these days, you two, and just lend them your signatures again, would you? We don't want to make it a real problem, because, after all, your work is certainly valued in our agency, Regina", chef Booth grabbed his crisps and made his way to the door.

"We?", Robin asked, "I don't understand."

"Uhm, of course", chef Booth frowned, pausing in the door frame, "they need both of your signatures for the wedding certificate after all, eh."

"Our...? What?!"

"Oh by the way", chef Booth said last, "do I see you two on tonight's office party?", and then he was gone.

Regina weakly slumped down on the kitchen chairs and blinked the emerging tears away.

"Regina?", Robin still stood in the middle of the office kitchen, trying to make any kind of sense of the words chef Booth had just bombarded him with.

"You don't wan't to know", Regina whispered and held onto her mug tightly, "you really don't..."

"Hey", Robin shook himself out of his total confusion, when he saw her immense distress and went to sit down in front of her. He took her right hand, which was oh so tightly wrapped around the mug and loosened her fingers softly. "Regina, what is it? You can talk to me."

She shook her head and looked to the side, trying to regain some composure. "We're kind of... married, you and I", she said with with a shaking voice."

"Yeah, I just heard that. But I doubt I'd ever forget marrying you, Regina", Robin said dryly.

"No, you, you don't understand", Regina mumbled, "I kind of... _made_ us married."

"You made us married?" Robin's eyebrows flew up and he seemed to try to find the mistake in what he was hearing.

"Yeah, I....", Regina took a deep breath and withdrew her hand from his bigger, warm one. She sat upright and took another breath. 

"I am actually from Canada", she began slowly and Robin nodded encouragingly. "And", ok, she thought, like a band aid, swift and brutal, "and my work visa expired a year ago and I was so desperate, you know", she looked at him and wrung her hands. "I didn't want Henry to lose all his friends and his school and...", her eyes watered again. This was so embarrassing. "And so I kind of did this thing one night. Did you know how easy it is to make a whole new background for yourself, when you just know how? Not... not that I did.... I just.... kind of...." _Oh god_.

"...found a solution so you didn't have to leave your home", Robin ended her sentence. His expression was inscrutable.

She nodded. "I didn't want to... _use_... you or something, I just...." 

It was just so easy, she thought bitter, to just write these words there. Mrs Regina Locksley. Just so damn easy. And it sounded so nice, you know. To be your wife. To be loved by you...

"Regina..."

Regina felt the ultimate dread, when she realized that she had spoken her thoughts aloud and was confronted with an astonished Robin in front of her.

"Oh my god", she mumbled, mortified, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll make it right, I swear..."

Then she fled the room.

 

 

**Step Three: Ignore The Elephant (Which Doesn't Really Exist Anyway) And Stay Married (And Make Him Finally Kiss You)**

 

Regina spent the next three hours on the coffee shop on the next street over, ignoring her phone and Robin's text asking for a talk, and ate lots and lots and lots of desperation-muffins.

She called in sick the next day, knowing it was the coward in her, but she didn't care. She took time to think and come to terms with that one foolish little action a year ago. And then she rose again as the queen she was, head up high, and made preparations to delete every trace to the marriage and asked for a conversation with chef Booth to clear the problem up. 

The day after that she was back at the office, working furiously on all the projects. She instructed her intern to tell anyone she wasn't to interrupt for the day and never went up to get a refill of coffee. To big was the possibility to see Robin out there.

The time went by slowly. With the agency being in the middle of big projects, everyone was busy and so was chef Booth. He had told her he had time at 7:00 pm.

At 5:00 pm Belle went home.

At 5:30 pm Regina re-organized her desk.

At 5:45 pm she pondered whether it would be safe to make a quick run to the kitchen to finally get some caffeine.

At 5:50 pm she decided the coffee wasn't worth leaving the safety of her office room.

At 6:00 pm someone knocked onto her door. Regina stayed silently in her chair, hoping that the intruder would leave. 

It knocked again. "Regina", a soft voice was heard, "I know you're there."

Regina stayed stubbornly silent. Couldn't he just leave? Didn't he get that she just wanted to forget everything?

Of course he didn't. The office door opened and Robin entered her office. "You know", he said easily, "something's quite bothering me, M'lady."

"Oh yes?", Regina gave him a tired, weary look.

"Well, yes", he said, "you see, I'm a patient man. I wait and wait and wait for two years that the most beautiful woman of the world realizes that I don't share my chocolate cookies with anyone and that I'm in fact flirting with her every time I see her."

Regina shook her head and wanted to interrupt him, but Robin silenced her with a determined look.

"You see, I'm a very patient man", he continued, "and it's one thing to learn, that you're seemingly already married to said woman, whom you never even took out for a date. Or kissed. But", he stepped closer to her and turned her chair, "it's entirely different when said _wife_ ignores you. And there, there my patience really runs thin."

"What? Robin? Are you crazy? What the hell-"

But Robin took her face into his hands and silenced her with a kiss.

At first she was rigid, but soon she was melting into his embrace, shovelling away all the other thoughts and kissed him back eagerly.

"You know", he said, when they eventually broke away to take deep breaths, and rubbed his nose along hers affectionally, "I guess I need to have a close look over you from now on, that you won't divorce us as fast as you married us, love."

"Robin", Regina shoved his arm and scowled at him. "Never", she then said, though, and brought him in for another kiss.

 

 


End file.
